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Feb 9, 2010, 3:41pm

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"Here is where you will find what is going on around the school."


Howlers to the Editor


Okay so you didn’t like my articles? Big deal! Like I care. You thought you could scare me into stopping by sending me a bunch of screeching howlers? You gotta think again. I’m so used to howlers that even the diaphragms of my ears don’t vibrate anymore to the noice. For those who would like to know, here are some examples of the kind of junk-owls and howlers, I get on a daily basis. Read on:

Loon #1> To the Editor of Hogwarts’ Express, the inaugural issue of Hogwarts Express was very insightful although ……..I was pleased to read about the activities at the school. It made me nostalgic, although (yeah, ‘although’ what Mister? At least finish the sentence)……….The words were a bit harsh against us Slytherins………The article about lack of staff was eye-opening, although….(any more ‘although’ and I’ll snap)….The Elusive Wand game was good, although…..(what, what did you find against a game this time?!?)…..well, I was thinking I should like to tutor at Hogwarts too. (No please! Mr. Although, if you enter Hogwarts, I will run out of it.) Thank you.

Right, too many ‘although’ and a lot of dot dot dots. What, am I supposed to fill in the blanks?!?

Loon #2> Dear Hero, don’t tell anyone that I wrote to tell you this (good, this one is building up the mystery nicely). I don’t want to get in trouble (yes! This is definitely going to be a story worth investigating *gets excited*) while I was walking down the HOM corridor today, I found it littered with Squirrel poo (Really?!? After all the build up you give me this?!?) I don’t know who did it. (Read your words carefully. ‘Maybe’ you’ll get the answer yourself *loses interest*). We need to find out who is behind it (how about ‘squirrels’?!?). Right, that’s all. Please don’t mention my name anywhere. Bye.

I won’t mention your name, dear. I’ll recommend you to go to Madam Pomfrey. Maybe she’ll get you transported to St. Mungo’s ward for brain damage.

Loon #3> My friend must’ve written to you about the Squirrel poo incident in HOM corridor Hero (there goes another one. *rolls her eyes*) But it was not he who first noticed it. I did. So when you publish the story, send the money to me. (‘When’? Excuse me, but ‘When’? I wouldn’t even have used an ‘If’ here. ) Okay then. Ciao.

Right, and another one goes to St. Mungos.

Loon #4> your articles in the Hogwarts Express stink.

And that is a constructive feedback because?!?

Loon #5> My kids aren’t going to that school. They’ll learn to make pots at home and they will be more intelligent than any of you who go up there. Making pots builds sharp intellect. I make pots. I’m Harry Potter.

And I’m Godric Gryffindor!

Loon #6> What kind of a name is ‘Hero’? Are you really a girl? Your parents must have SOME whacky imagination.

Yeah, and that helps me improve my articles so much! *shakes her head in disbelief* (Special note to my father: “I told you so, Dad! Did I really need this?”)

Loon #7> Hogwarts Mafia seems like an interesting organization. I’m a grown up and don’t go to school anymore but I can at least give them some ideas. They look like they would make us Slytherins very proud one day. Tell me the name of the person I must contact. It’s very urgent and make sure that this stays a secret, or else…..

You should’ve thought about it before you sent me a HOWLER, Mister.

(Well, not really a ‘Loon’.) #8> That issue was the most embarrassing thing ever Hero. Everywhere I went people kept asking me how my daughter could write atrocious articles like that. You will have a lot of explaining to do when you get home, my girl.

This isn’t constructive criticism either, Dad. And I know when I get home, I’ll again be grounded till the end of eternity (like always). What a surprise!

Reporter: Hero Cahors






From the Editor’s Desk:

Your comments and criticisms are still welcome. Though I received some weird owls (and howlers) last time, the number of nice owls I received was still more.

Anyone who wants to appear as an interviewee in the November edition of Hogwarts Express must owl me about it. If you have a story, you can contact me too and I would see to it that you are suitably remunerated if we find your story worthwhile.


Reporter: Hero Cahors
Hogwarts Press November Issue:

Student Interview


Darren Cantor, the newly elected, single, hottie captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team sits across me as we take our seats in the stands at the Quidditch Pitch. He’s just had a long practice session with the rest of the Gryffindor team. His face is shining with sweat and his physique appears more muscular after the flying exercise. He takes his shirt off and uses it to wipe the sweat from his eyes. “He’s not my best friend! He’s not my best friend! He’s not my best friend.” I keep chuntering under my breath to convince myself a lie. I have to make this interview look as professional as possible. He smiles at me and pats his adjacent seat saying, “Hiya Hero”. I groan. “Urgh! You are not making this easy for me, Darren.” I take the seat and look at him seriously. I’m so nervous that I blurt out the first question that occurs to me. “Right, what is your name, Darren.” He bursts out laughing. I look at him in surprise for a moment and then I realize what I had said and join in too. It goes on for quite a while. I stop abruptly and say, “Let’s get serious please.” He muffles his laughter and adds, “Okay, but don’t get me started again by saying ‘What’s your name, Darren?’”

We crack up again (it helps me calm down too) but he sobers up when I ask him about his family. “Well, my parents both died when I was young, my Dad when I was 9, my Mum when I was 11, just before I started Hogwarts. I don’t want to go into their death’s much…” Oops! I hadn’t realized it would be such a sensitive issue for him. I search around for another question for him. It’s not easy to concentrate as I hear a lot of hoots and catcalls from the pitch. The rest of the Gryffindor team is standing there making funny comments about us that I don’t want to write here. I rolled my eyes and ploughed on, “How do you like Hogwarts?” he perks up at once and answers enthusiastically, “I think it’s awesome. It has its bad points, but nothing compared to how homely it is. I love it here. The grounds are beautiful, we get to go to Hogsmeade, and of course, the magic is the best bit.”

I next asked him about his favorite Professor at Hogwarts. Big mistake. I realized as soon as he said the first two words. “Professor Clarion.” I didn’t realize my feelings about his answer were so transparent until he added hastily, “Because she helped me a lot when I first started, and I appreciated it loads. It was just after my Mum had died too.” Hmm…that just proves that Professor Clarion is extremely partial. She gives all the help to everyone else but when it comes to family (as in me) she has to be so inconsiderate as to totally ignore my reasonable academic curiosity in tasting the vintage wines in the Clarion cellars. Looking for a change of subject, I asked Darren who was his best friend at Hogwarts. His reply totally blew my mind. He chuckled mischievously and answered as though he was really giving a professional interview, “Hero Cahors! She’s got a great Aura, and she’s always fun to hang around with. A very talented and mischievous witch.”

Why am I suddenly feeling so warm?!? I realized that my face was flooded with red. It didn’t help that the whistles and comments from the team members was almost embarrassing now. Darren didn’t seem to mind them though. Oh well! It’s just me then. Why is this interview going so badly? I try to come up with something to salvage it anyway. “What do you want to be when you grow up and graduate from Hogwarts, Darren?”

He became pensive and answered me thoughtfully, “I’m not sure yet. I’d like to be an Auror like my Dad and Uncle… but who knows. I like the sound of being a Curse Breaker for Gringotts too.” That reminds me, I still haven’t thought about what ‘I’ want to do after Hogwarts. Just another thing to add in my never ending To-do list. “Have you ever received a Howler at school?” I ask him. His answer is prompt this time. “Nope, not yet. My Uncle’s not the type to send Howlers.” How lucky. I think the Howlers would totally go out of business if it weren’t for me. Shouldn’t I get a share in their profits?

I conversationally tell him that I mean to appeal to Professor McGonagall for a Hogsmeade weekend every month. He’s very enthusiastic about my idea. When I ask him if he would support me in the petition, he says, “Aye, I do. Because we should be allowed more free time in Hogsmeade. Where do we get to go other than the grounds? Hogsmeade is a place where we can just relax away from the school, hang out with friends or meet up with people we wouldn’t normally see.” At this point however, I had to bring the interview to an abrupt end when a Gryffindor team member went so far as to suggest that Darren would do anything to go to Hogsmeade every month to date…..er…well….you don’t want to know. So nose out.

Reporter: Hero Cahors


Announcements of the month:

This month, Mr. Filch, asked me to publish his list of things that are banned at Hogwarts. Sorry Mr. Filch but I have no intention of wasting parchments with pointless information. For those who actually listen to Mr. Filch’s words, there are now some 4183 items that have been banned at our school. As 4180 of them are Weasley Wizard Wheezes merchandize, I don’t see how anyone will obey that rubbish rule.

In other announcements, I wish to inform every student of Hogwarts that it has come to my attention that there are werewolves and vampires amongst us at Hogwarts. This shocking information would send all parents in a tizzy but we can’t much do anything about it since the Ministry of Magic’s latest decree about respecting the right of every magical species for a magical education. All I can say is that I hope we have a competent Potion maker at school who can whip up the Wolfsbane to keep us all safe from the werewolves. But what to do about the vampires. Huh? If you are a vampire and you are reading this then please don’t mind me saying it but keep you fangs to yourself.

Reporter: Hero Cahors



House Points Standings:

I swear I am going to scream! Ravenclaw is yet again in the lead in house points! THREE HUNDRED AND NINTY FIVE POINTS!

The Hufflepuff hourglass still stands empty along with the Slytherin hourglass. Can anyone say losers.....

Listen up you Gryffindors! Get your heads in the game! ONE HUNDRED AND THIRY POINTS! What is that? NOTHING that is what that is! If you don't get us some points I am going to put a curse every single one of you! You know me I will do it!!

I ask all professors and staff to please excuse the rant above as I hate to clean the trophies.


Reporter: Hero Cahors



That Elusive Wand

This is a monthly game for our readers. Anyone guessing the correct answer will be awarded 25 Galleons.

The wizard owner of the September edition of That Elusive Wand is Dominick Prince and the lucky person who made the first correct guess and who wins 25 Galleons for it is Alice Cullen.

Elder
10 1/2 inch
Dragon Scale

Owl your answers to Hero Cahors, the Editor of Hogwarts Press.

((Members can find the wands of other Members by clicking on their vault numbers in their profiles.))

Reporter: Hero Cahors





Owl storm at Headmistress’ office.

Last week every inhabitant of Hogwarts witnessed a weird phenomenon. From every window in the Headmistresses’ office in the tower, we could see several dozen owls flying in and out. At first we worried that something dreadful must have occurred somewhere in the Wizarding World. But it soon transpired that these owls were flying not from outside Hogwarts but from right within the castle. Apparently, someone or some people had hijacked the Owlery. Your Hogwarts Express reporters tried to investigate who these people were but we found our entry into the owlery barred. These hijackers had taken every precaution. They filled our path with such obstacles that we couldn’t surpass them at all. And still, the storm of owls at the Headmistress’s office continued. We didn’t know the agenda, we didn’t know the perpetrators but we knew that something momentous was about to happen. Nothing of this sort had occurred at Hogwarts ever. Professor McGonagall tried a trick and barricaded herself within the office closing down every entrance to it. We thought she had won over the culprits at last. Boy! Did we underestimate them. The owls started tapping at every window of the office. The stone gargoyles at the entrance of the spiral staircase that led up to the Headmistress’ office were pecked by several beaks. By the end of the day, every window looked like it was covered with feathers and the entrance appeared as though someone had put a furry curtain over it. From time to time, flecks of stone shot through the curtain of owls and we could hear the gargoyles screaming with agony.

It was over by 9 in the evening. We heard Professor McGonagall’s booming voice all round the castle, telling everyone that she had approved our petition for a Hogsmeade weekend for every month. A loud cheer erupted from the Great Hall where the supper was being served at that time. Finally, Professor McGonagall asked the perpetrators of the stunt to call off the owls. Even as we ran out to look at the distant windows of the office, the owls were flying back towards the owlery. High above the owlery, we saw a spectacular fireworks display. Every student of Hogwarts stood outside in the grounds mesmerized with the fiery designs in the sky. When we returned back to the castle, another surprise was waiting for us. Written across the wall beside the large doors of the Great Hall was a message, “We gave you your chance Professor. You didn’t take us seriously. Now you see that we can play dirty too. Next time, beware.”

And scrolled beneath the message were two letters like a monogram. “H.M”





Common Room Reunion

Apparently I did it! That’s what they told me anyway while I was polishing the trophies in you-know-where. Geez, I swear they always like to punish me for no reason at all. Like they hadn’t totally done this in July and with no help from me either. They thought that the last issue of Hogwarts Express was too biased against the other three houses that I’m lucky not to belong to. My articles created a lot of bad feeling amongst the students of different houses (like I care) and the school management thinks that the only way to get the students to behave cordially is by making them mingle with each other. They have proposed another Common Room Reunion (CRR). The Common Rooms of every house would be open to all Hogwarts students starting on November 20th as a school treat. We are all supposed to go over to other common rooms and greet the kids over there. It will apparently be a good way to patch up the feathers that I’d ruffled. Like that will help.

We all know what would really happen that night, right? I heard a rumor somewhere that the badgers at the Hufflepuff CR was importing large quantities of dungbombs for the CRR (in student code it converts to ‘Common Room Raids’. To heck with the school management.) We Lion cubs are also planning something spectacular to get the better of everyone else. Right, just watch out you birds, badgers and snakes. Starting on the 20th it will become clear to you who rules Hogwarts.

And if you are not a student and you are reading this, please don’t make me buff any more trophies. Geez, the whole Trophy room is sparkling like a 1000 carat diamond and I reckon it would remain so for the next millennium. Be a little creative in your punishments people. I’m so bored of smelling like polish all the time. Though, please don’t go to Professor Clarion for advice. She has some really sick ideas for student punishments.

Reporter: Hero Cahors

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